Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
did i just pee glitter
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
