oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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