I want to make a zoo with you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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