apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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