I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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