hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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