As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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