can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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