Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
