she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
