He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
