Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
