Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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