Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
