Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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