what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
