I hate your face
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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