My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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