see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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