if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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