sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
