I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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