i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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