Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
our cab driver is having phone sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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