Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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