Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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