i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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