It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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