Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think i got beer on your cat.
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