Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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