Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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