I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
