I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
