420 ftw
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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