I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
