I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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