YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
