you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
