No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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