She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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