my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
