So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
