Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
