I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
