I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
