The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My life is pants optional.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
