We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
