how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
