What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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