Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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