We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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