So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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