Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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