i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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