is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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