Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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