Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
