I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
