Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
