Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
