No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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