Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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