You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
