she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
