Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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