I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
