If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my poor anus
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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