I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you still have your period?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Randomize
