We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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