I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
