good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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