Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
