i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
