They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
